Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
