I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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