he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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