Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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