friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
