OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
40s are totally the cure
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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