If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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