YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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