onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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