My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
