Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize