She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
