Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
