theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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