It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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