If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Semen is not good for contacts.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
