C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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