Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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