she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
