Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
