I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
should my penis look like a turkey
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
