dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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