that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
