I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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