I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
