What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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