I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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