Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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