my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
