Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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