That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
