Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
