my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
