And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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