he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
