We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
