Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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