I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need water and some morals
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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