We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
