I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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