Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
