My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
