Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
