I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
