So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
