Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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