Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
