So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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