Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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