i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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